Rediscovering my pre-pregnancy wardrobe.
Seeing my feet.
Pedicure(s).
Beer, wine, mixed drinks.
Not wearing Sea Bands as my major fashion accessory.
Not hearing Mr. Savant making snarky comments about our lack of a sex life.
Not waddling.
Eating without first having to consider whether a food will make me nauseous and/or vomit.
Having things to talk about other than how miserable I feel.
No longer fending off "Did you have the baby yet?" emails, Facebook posts, texts and phone calls.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
You have fun with that.
I just don't get "attachment parenting." To me it seems more like "martyr parenting;" on-demand (breast)feeding, baby-wearing, cloth-diapering, co-sleeping ... why do people put themselves through this? Because a "brand name" doctor said so? Doesn't this "sacrifice yourself, your life and your sanity in the name of someone else" throw up some kind of red flag in the common sense region of your brain?
It does for me. But maybe that's because I struggle every day with striking a balance between my own preservation of self and giving away much too much of my time and energy to please others. And in some way, I do recognize the pattern and the 'logic' behind the attachment parenting philosophy. And it doesn't surprise me that so many women are attracted to it. Because, to me, the underlying theory is something like "If I give everything of myself whenever it's asked for, if I do everything to please and placate this person, then they will love me forever."
I've tried that. Granted, within adult relationships, but still. It didn't work then. It wasn't love. It wasn't respect. It wasn't any of those things that real love is -- it was slavery and it was sheer hell. Why, for fuck's sake, would I want to raise a child whose expectations are that adults' purpose in life is to cater to their every whim?
And then to hear the complaints: Baby's not eating/sleeping well. Breastfeeding isn't nirvana, neither parent is sleeping well, baby cries and wails no matter what; no matter what I do, it's never enough. And then, of course, comes the inevitable monetizing of these problems. Birth Doulas and postpartem doulas and lactation consultants and all these other "professionals" making you feel as though, if you don't get it just right, your kid is going to hate you. Well, guess what? You set yourselves up for this! I really don't feel badly for you. You have fun with that.
It doesn't take a lot of sense to realize that your kid is going to be "attached" to you regardless. You're fulfilling their needs one way or the other, and co-sleeping and baby-wearing aren't going to make that attachment any stronger, in my opinion. And who wants a kid who can't cope with disappointment? Who can't entertain themselves or deal with delayed gratification?
I could go on and on about how much this bothers me. But I think I'll just have to try to let it go ... because, with my luck, I'll have a kid who actually thrives on this "attachment parenting" bullshit and I'll be forced to eat every single word.
It does for me. But maybe that's because I struggle every day with striking a balance between my own preservation of self and giving away much too much of my time and energy to please others. And in some way, I do recognize the pattern and the 'logic' behind the attachment parenting philosophy. And it doesn't surprise me that so many women are attracted to it. Because, to me, the underlying theory is something like "If I give everything of myself whenever it's asked for, if I do everything to please and placate this person, then they will love me forever."
I've tried that. Granted, within adult relationships, but still. It didn't work then. It wasn't love. It wasn't respect. It wasn't any of those things that real love is -- it was slavery and it was sheer hell. Why, for fuck's sake, would I want to raise a child whose expectations are that adults' purpose in life is to cater to their every whim?
And then to hear the complaints: Baby's not eating/sleeping well. Breastfeeding isn't nirvana, neither parent is sleeping well, baby cries and wails no matter what; no matter what I do, it's never enough. And then, of course, comes the inevitable monetizing of these problems. Birth Doulas and postpartem doulas and lactation consultants and all these other "professionals" making you feel as though, if you don't get it just right, your kid is going to hate you. Well, guess what? You set yourselves up for this! I really don't feel badly for you. You have fun with that.
It doesn't take a lot of sense to realize that your kid is going to be "attached" to you regardless. You're fulfilling their needs one way or the other, and co-sleeping and baby-wearing aren't going to make that attachment any stronger, in my opinion. And who wants a kid who can't cope with disappointment? Who can't entertain themselves or deal with delayed gratification?
I could go on and on about how much this bothers me. But I think I'll just have to try to let it go ... because, with my luck, I'll have a kid who actually thrives on this "attachment parenting" bullshit and I'll be forced to eat every single word.
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